I Endure Myself

I’m currently reading Emil Cioran’s “The Trouble with Being Born.” It’s different than anything I’ve ever read as it’s not a novel or book of poetry, but it’s a book of aphorisms. Emil Cioran was a Romanian philosopher and aphorist. His books typically deal with pessimism, anti-natalism, suffering, decay, and nihilism, but you can find humor in some of the things he writes.

I’ll give you an example. One of his aphorisms in the book is: “‘Do I look like someone who has something to do here on Earth?’ — That’s what I’d like to answer the busybodies who inquire into my activities.” I’d like to answer to those same people who ask me such questions. I hate being asked the question: “What have you been up to?” “What are you doing with your life?” “Where are you working now?”

I don’t think the way I’m reading the book (cover-to-cover) is the best way to read it, although I am because I’m enjoying it too much. I think a better way would be to pick one line a day and ruminate on it. Of course, that would take much longer, and I have other books I’d like to get to shortly. I do think that’s the appropriate method of reading this book though. These lines are meant to be thought about. Each line needs to gestate.

There is something relaxing about reading Cioran. Just the thought of “Ah. I don’t have to worry because in the end we’re all just going to be obliterated and forgotten.” If you’re ever just having a bad day and get in a fight with your spouse, your boss, your sibling, your friend; or you get publicly humiliated. Say you lose your job, lose your marriage, etc.; say someone completely humiliates you on Twitter or on any social media platform and ruins your reputation, and you read Emil Cioran and remember we’re all going to be obliterated and forgotten one day and you can sit back and relax because none of it matters.

As far as Cioran, you could read him as a joke. He was once invited to give a talk when he was in Zurich and he said, “But I am nothing but a joker.” Engaging with these ideas, jokes aside, his words do hold one’s feet to the fire. As if to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “OK, what is really going on here in this life of yours? If anything?”

If one were to actually do that, they may irreparably shatter their entire image of themselves. I’m not saying do that so be careful. I’m saying that because so much of philosophy and commentary and society just seems to be strange adults making shit up. None of it has any substance or truth. There are so many of these talking heads that just go on about blah, blah, blah, and it just seems to be such a waste of life, this self-help or political bullshit.

I will end this on one of Cioran’s most quoted remarks when asked what does he do each day?

“I endure myself.”