I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m bipolar. I deal with it with medication and therapy. I got diagnosed when I was 28 or 29. I always suspected, but it was nice to finally know what was wrong with me. I noticed my previous blogs where I was blogging every day or every other day. That’s me when my mood is lifted and I’m on cloud nine. Now I have no energy to write about anything. Sure, you get the occasional blogs here and there, but it’s nothing like it was.
That’s what happens with me. I get that creative spark and I’ll be on a high for a while and then it’ll all come crashing down and I don’t feel like saying anything. I hide it well from people and put on a happy face while going to bed and wishing I don’ wake up the next day.
I hate that I have to be medicated. I hate that my psychiatrist has to keep tweaking my meds. I hate that I can’t talk about this with anyone because I don’t think they’ll understand. Sometimes I just hate being here overall. I feel useless, worthless. I feel like my life has no meaning or purpose. I’m just going through the motions.
So, if you see me not posting for a while, you know the reason. I’m having to deal with these mood swings. I’ll get a little boost and get creative and write for months and months then it’ll all come crashing down and I don’t write anything because I feel like there’s no point. No one cares what I have to say on here or in my real life. Just bear with me. It’ll pass eventually. It always does, even when I feel like it won’t.
Sisyphus Shrugged 