I’m currently reading Emil Cioran’s “The Trouble with Being Born.” It’s different than anything I’ve ever read as it’s not a novel or book of poetry, but it’s a book of aphorisms. Emil Cioran was a Romanian philosopher and aphorist. His books typically deal with pessimism, anti-natalism, suffering, decay, and nihilism, but you can find humor in some of the things he writes.

I’ll give you an example. One of his aphorisms in the book is: “‘Do I look like someone who has something to do here on Earth?’ — That’s what I’d like to answer the busybodies who inquire into my activities.” I’d like to answer to those same people who ask me such questions. I hate being asked the question: “What have you been up to?” “What are you doing with your life?” “Where are you working now?”

I don’t think the way I’m reading the book (cover-to-cover) is the best way to read it, although I am because I’m enjoying it too much. I think a better way would be to pick one line a day and ruminate on it. Of course, that would take much longer, and I have other books I’d like to get to shortly. I do think that’s the appropriate method of reading this book though. These lines are meant to be thought about. Each line needs to gestate.

There is something relaxing about reading Cioran. Just the thought of “Ah. I don’t have to worry because in the end we’re all just going to be obliterated and forgotten.” If you’re ever just having a bad day and get in a fight with your spouse, your boss, your sibling, your friend; or you get publicly humiliated. Say you lose your job, lose your marriage, etc.; say someone completely humiliates you on Twitter or on any social media platform and ruins your reputation, and you read Emil Cioran and remember we’re all going to be obliterated and forgotten one day and you can sit back and relax because none of it matters.

As far as Cioran, you could read him as a joke. He was once invited to give a talk when he was in Zurich and he said, “But I am nothing but a joker.” Engaging with these ideas, jokes aside, his words do hold one’s feet to the fire. As if to look in the mirror and ask yourself, “OK, what is really going on here in this life of yours? If anything?”

If one were to actually do that, they may irreparably shatter their entire image of themselves. I’m not saying do that so be careful. I’m saying that because so much of philosophy and commentary and society just seems to be strange adults making shit up. None of it has any substance or truth. There are so many of these talking heads that just go on about blah, blah, blah, and it just seems to be such a waste of life, this self-help or political bullshit.

I will end this on one of Cioran’s most quoted remarks when asked what does he do each day?

“I endure myself.”

“Would you rather spend the next ten years living life like you are doing now but then you die, or would you choose to live for the next thirty years in captivity?”

The wager is stupid. Refuse both options. If an option is forced on you, resist at all costs. Chip away at the prison walls with a spoon, spit on the guards, hoard all the bread and build a bread castle, get into an argument with the shower faucet.

This world is a violent place where the strong bully and prey upon the weak , physically and economically.

No wonder then that these great thinkers were vilified by many just for observing and then speaking the bitter truth about biological life and human society. All life is competition for grades, jobs, housing, mate, wealth and status. You suffer to win the competition and stay competitive. You suffer for losing the competition.

It’s relentless.

Indeed “Better to have never been born ”.

I have to go to one of my best friend’s funerals today in about ten hours. I can’t sleep. I slept for a little bit last night after crying myself to sleep. This has hit me especially hard since I’ve never lost a friend before. For those of you who didn’t know Kirk, you missed out on one helluva person.

I first met him in middle school. This was when I was going through my goth phase and had my fingernails painted black. He looked at me kind of funny and I stared back at him and said, “What?” He didn’t pick a fight. He just looked away as in, “You do you.”

High school was when we became close. We both shared a love of metal. We bonded over Pantera and Slayer. He saw that I was wearing an Ozzy Osbourne shirt and Ozzy was his idol. We got to talking about Ozzy and what our favorite songs and albums were of his up to that point. He’d always sit outside the lunchroom where all of us misfits sat and just fuck around and have a good time with the rest of us.

We both went to Ozzfest 2002. Some friends of mine and I met him there and he was the first person I got in a mosh pit with. I was a bit timid and he told me, “You just gotta go for it,” so I rushed in without a thought in my head and moshed with Kirk and the rest and had a blast.

One Fourth of July neither one of us were doing anything. I called him to see if he wanted to hang out so I went over to his house where the two of us enjoyed some beers and passed a blunt back and forth to each other the whole night.

I’d go to see his band play anytime they played at bars that were close. He was such a great frontman. Encouraging others to have some drinks with him after the show was over. There wasn’t a single person who didn’t like him. He was friendly toward everyone he met.

I wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t know if I’ve still fully accepted it. He’s gone and we’ll never hang out and shoot the shit again, but I do have very fond memories of him that I will cherish forever. He was never in a bad mood, always gave me and my mom a hug every time he saw us. Always ready for a good time. Always down to smoke or drink with someone. He’s going to be sorely missed.

We can’t know if life has meaning or if it’s meaningless. The world is a hard, confusing thing that we humans can’t understand; therefore it is impossible for us to understand if there is a universal meaning or not.

In Absurdism life could be meaningless or it could have meaning outside our grasp. At the end of the day, for absurdism, this question doesn’t matter because whatever the answer is, we are equally stuck in a meaningless life, unable to comprehend the world.

I just had the craziest dream. I was back in high school but some people from TikTok I follow were there. We were reading complete nonsense and I’m laughing hysterically while everyone else is confused. They all look at me and go, “Do you get any of this?” I keep laughing and go, “None of this is the point. Just keep reading.” And that’s when I woke up and had to piss.

I do not like Trump at all. I’m not a liberal There is something seriously wrong with society and the world in general. The elite and rich just sit there, accumulating more wealth while the rest of the people toil their lives away in a futile pursuit of financial stability. The system is rigged and 90+% of us will never break out of our current situation.

Most Trump supporters honestly believe he is their ticket out. Be that the result of idiocy or misguided faith, they think he’s the only politician who cares enough to fight for the little guy. Even though more often than not he refused to pay the little guy for contracted work completed on his properties. Many of them believe he’s a self-made millionaire who should be able to “fix the US Economy”. Blindly ignoring the fact his daddy gave him his fortune and he squandered most of it.

Trump says things to his followers that reassure them of his intent, while doing things that run contrary to those words. He does this with an air of plausible deniability, always scapegoating some perceived boogeyman as the cause of his failure. His followers are so disenfranchised by the system that they eat up every word.

Trump’s supporters are misguided. They keep hoping for their situation to improve, and every time he tells them Mexicans are causing their problems they latch on to that. They know something is causing their problems and they just can’t comprehend the bigger picture. They don’t know who to blame so they blame whomever their trusted leadership tells them to blame. All the while, ignoring the fact that their leaders are part of the problem.

Something needs to change. The last time humans saw wealth disparity like this we had a French Revolution and the Royals were slaughtered in the streets. The current system is unsustainable, kept functioning only by the complacency of most of its citizens. One day everyone will rise up and say “Enough”.

Trumps supporters mostly think that time is now and believe the Donald is their chance to “stick it to the man.”

…now that I’ve given up hope.

I think I’ve used that title for a blog before, but fuck it. It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. I’m 36 and feel older than that sometimes, last night and this morning being two of those times. I went to see Lamb of God and Pantera with a friend of mine last night. We had a blast. I had a few beers since he was the designated driver and even smoked a joint with someone at the show. I spent the night banging my head, thrashing my hair around and completely getting into the music. Pantera has been one of my favorite bands since I was a kid. My first metal record was their CD “Vulgar Display of Power” and I fell in love.

I stood for the entire show which is something I just don’t do anymore. Concerts I go to now I’ll stand for a bit then have a seat after a few songs and just enjoy the show sitting down. But no, not this time. This time I was on my feet for the entire show. I enjoyed myself but when it was time to go I was ready to get in the soft seat of the car and just relax.

I took some kratom when I got home to ease the pain, but I was still pumped up from the show so I couldn’t sleep. I woke up this morning to my feet, back, and hip hurting and just thought to myself, “Damn, you’re getting old.” I guess we all are. We grow old and decrepit and eventually die. That’s not to say I’ll never go to another show again. That’s not to say I won’t stand there, banging my head, thrashing my neck around, I just can’t do it all the time like I used to. Sometimes you have to know your limits.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take some more kratom for my back and go back to bed.

I was at the park, during evening time. The lights were on, people roaming around, kids playing, some buying food and drinks from the snack shop.

There was this one guy, who was playing music on his speaker, while dancing to earn money. All of a sudden, the electricity went out. Lights were off, and the park was in darkness. However, despite the situation, the guy didn’t stop his music. He continued dancing, aware that people could hardly see him at all. Not only that, but he encouraged others to dance next to him. Moments went by, an hour passed, and finally they brought back the electricity. People began applauding, and cheered for him.

Today, the dancer represented the Absurd man. Dancing in front of people, while not being seen, is a futile and pointless act to pursue. Yet, he accepted the situation, and thus became the master of his fate. He revolted, and joyfully danced in spite of it all.