This world is a violent place where the strong bully and prey upon the weak , physically and economically.

No wonder then that these great thinkers were vilified by many just for observing and then speaking the bitter truth about biological life and human society. All life is competition for grades, jobs, housing, mate, wealth and status. You suffer to win the competition and stay competitive. You suffer for losing the competition.

It’s relentless.

Indeed “Better to have never been born ”.

I have to go to one of my best friend’s funerals today in about ten hours. I can’t sleep. I slept for a little bit last night after crying myself to sleep. This has hit me especially hard since I’ve never lost a friend before. For those of you who didn’t know Kirk, you missed out on one helluva person.

I first met him in middle school. This was when I was going through my goth phase and had my fingernails painted black. He looked at me kind of funny and I stared back at him and said, “What?” He didn’t pick a fight. He just looked away as in, “You do you.”

High school was when we became close. We both shared a love of metal. We bonded over Pantera and Slayer. He saw that I was wearing an Ozzy Osbourne shirt and Ozzy was his idol. We got to talking about Ozzy and what our favorite songs and albums were of his up to that point. He’d always sit outside the lunchroom where all of us misfits sat and just fuck around and have a good time with the rest of us.

We both went to Ozzfest 2002. Some friends of mine and I met him there and he was the first person I got in a mosh pit with. I was a bit timid and he told me, “You just gotta go for it,” so I rushed in without a thought in my head and moshed with Kirk and the rest and had a blast.

One Fourth of July neither one of us were doing anything. I called him to see if he wanted to hang out so I went over to his house where the two of us enjoyed some beers and passed a blunt back and forth to each other the whole night.

I’d go to see his band play anytime they played at bars that were close. He was such a great frontman. Encouraging others to have some drinks with him after the show was over. There wasn’t a single person who didn’t like him. He was friendly toward everyone he met.

I wasn’t expecting this, and I don’t know if I’ve still fully accepted it. He’s gone and we’ll never hang out and shoot the shit again, but I do have very fond memories of him that I will cherish forever. He was never in a bad mood, always gave me and my mom a hug every time he saw us. Always ready for a good time. Always down to smoke or drink with someone. He’s going to be sorely missed.

We can’t know if life has meaning or if it’s meaningless. The world is a hard, confusing thing that we humans can’t understand; therefore it is impossible for us to understand if there is a universal meaning or not.

In Absurdism life could be meaningless or it could have meaning outside our grasp. At the end of the day, for absurdism, this question doesn’t matter because whatever the answer is, we are equally stuck in a meaningless life, unable to comprehend the world.

I just had the craziest dream. I was back in high school but some people from TikTok I follow were there. We were reading complete nonsense and I’m laughing hysterically while everyone else is confused. They all look at me and go, “Do you get any of this?” I keep laughing and go, “None of this is the point. Just keep reading.” And that’s when I woke up and had to piss.

I do not like Trump at all. I’m not a liberal There is something seriously wrong with society and the world in general. The elite and rich just sit there, accumulating more wealth while the rest of the people toil their lives away in a futile pursuit of financial stability. The system is rigged and 90+% of us will never break out of our current situation.

Most Trump supporters honestly believe he is their ticket out. Be that the result of idiocy or misguided faith, they think he’s the only politician who cares enough to fight for the little guy. Even though more often than not he refused to pay the little guy for contracted work completed on his properties. Many of them believe he’s a self-made millionaire who should be able to “fix the US Economy”. Blindly ignoring the fact his daddy gave him his fortune and he squandered most of it.

Trump says things to his followers that reassure them of his intent, while doing things that run contrary to those words. He does this with an air of plausible deniability, always scapegoating some perceived boogeyman as the cause of his failure. His followers are so disenfranchised by the system that they eat up every word.

Trump’s supporters are misguided. They keep hoping for their situation to improve, and every time he tells them Mexicans are causing their problems they latch on to that. They know something is causing their problems and they just can’t comprehend the bigger picture. They don’t know who to blame so they blame whomever their trusted leadership tells them to blame. All the while, ignoring the fact that their leaders are part of the problem.

Something needs to change. The last time humans saw wealth disparity like this we had a French Revolution and the Royals were slaughtered in the streets. The current system is unsustainable, kept functioning only by the complacency of most of its citizens. One day everyone will rise up and say “Enough”.

Trumps supporters mostly think that time is now and believe the Donald is their chance to “stick it to the man.”

…now that I’ve given up hope.

I think I’ve used that title for a blog before, but fuck it. It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want. I’m 36 and feel older than that sometimes, last night and this morning being two of those times. I went to see Lamb of God and Pantera with a friend of mine last night. We had a blast. I had a few beers since he was the designated driver and even smoked a joint with someone at the show. I spent the night banging my head, thrashing my hair around and completely getting into the music. Pantera has been one of my favorite bands since I was a kid. My first metal record was their CD “Vulgar Display of Power” and I fell in love.

I stood for the entire show which is something I just don’t do anymore. Concerts I go to now I’ll stand for a bit then have a seat after a few songs and just enjoy the show sitting down. But no, not this time. This time I was on my feet for the entire show. I enjoyed myself but when it was time to go I was ready to get in the soft seat of the car and just relax.

I took some kratom when I got home to ease the pain, but I was still pumped up from the show so I couldn’t sleep. I woke up this morning to my feet, back, and hip hurting and just thought to myself, “Damn, you’re getting old.” I guess we all are. We grow old and decrepit and eventually die. That’s not to say I’ll never go to another show again. That’s not to say I won’t stand there, banging my head, thrashing my neck around, I just can’t do it all the time like I used to. Sometimes you have to know your limits.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to take some more kratom for my back and go back to bed.

I was at the park, during evening time. The lights were on, people roaming around, kids playing, some buying food and drinks from the snack shop.

There was this one guy, who was playing music on his speaker, while dancing to earn money. All of a sudden, the electricity went out. Lights were off, and the park was in darkness. However, despite the situation, the guy didn’t stop his music. He continued dancing, aware that people could hardly see him at all. Not only that, but he encouraged others to dance next to him. Moments went by, an hour passed, and finally they brought back the electricity. People began applauding, and cheered for him.

Today, the dancer represented the Absurd man. Dancing in front of people, while not being seen, is a futile and pointless act to pursue. Yet, he accepted the situation, and thus became the master of his fate. He revolted, and joyfully danced in spite of it all.

On my phone I’ll go to Google because they’ll have some pretty (sometimes) interesting articles to read below the search bar. One such article yesterday was something like “Top Ten Absurdist Books You Should Read.” I’ve considered myself an absurdist for years now after devouring Albert Camus’ books – most notably The Stranger and The Myth of Sisyphus. I also discussed The Myth of Sisyphus at length with a therapist I had at one point in my life and it helped me get through a hard time I was having back then.

For those of you who don’t know, absurdism is the belief that the universe has no meaning and doesn’t care about you one way or the other. The only solution is to see and accept the absurdity of the world that is just senselessly going through the motions, no rhyme nor reason. All such statements as “we are stardust” and “the universe becomes aware of itself” are narcissistic ego-stroking soundbites by a ridiculous monkey in an uncaring universe who can’t help but invent laughable fictions about its own imagined superiority. So go on living your life without meaning. Roll the boulder up the hill as Sisyphus did only to watch it roll back down over and over again and laugh in the face of that. As Albert Camus states at the end of The Myth of Sisyphus “one must imagine Sisyphus happy.”

Sure, there is no inherent meaning in life so just find something you like to do and enjoy it. In the end of The Myth of Sisyphus, Sisyphus found the absurdity of pushing the boulder up the hill over and over again amusing.

A few Absurdist books I’ve read and enjoyed have been:

The Stranger by Albert Camus

The Plague by Albert Camus

The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

The Trial by Franz Kafka

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

A Dirty Job by Christopher Moore as well as its sequel … 

Secondhand Souls

Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Best Pal by Christopher Moore

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

There was one book in the vein of Absurdism I wasn’t familiar with, The Woman in the Dunes by Kobo Abe. I ordered it this morning and can’t wait for it to get here. It tells the story of a man trapped in a house surrounded by sand dunes that he has to keep digging in order to keep the house clear. He ultimately finds a way to collect water which gives him a sense of purpose and liberty. 

Another book (or in this case, a play) that I’ve had my eyes on for quite some time is Waiting for Godot. Two men are having a conversation while waiting for the mysterious Godot, who continually sends word that he’ll appear but never does.

Absurdism focuses on the pointlessness of life and occurs when humans try to make sense of life when life in itself is senseless. According to Camus the answer to the absurd is suicide. But wait! Going back to Sisyphus and his rolling the boulder up the hill only for it to roll back down again. We, too, can become fully alive through choosing to acknowledge the hopelessness of our condition. We can do this and carry on regardless. 

Camus believes we are condemned to absurdity but that’s not a bad thing. By confronting this absurdity and carrying on in spite of it that a truly authentic life can be lived.

The philanthropic antinatalism presented by David Benatar is rather compassionate with humanity and all other sentient beings for that matter. Recognizing their suffering while offering a way to stop the continuation of our collective misery. As the Buddhists would agree: with existence always comes harm. Any child brought into this world will experience pain and inflict pain on other beings, even though the magnitude varies per individual. 

Whether it’s physical pain, the pain of loss, or the pain of dissatisfaction, there’s always some suffering involved. Even Buddhist monks who attained the non-suffering state of “enlightenment” had suffered before and most likely squashed a bug or two. And thus, antinatalist arguing that coming into existence is always a serious harm takes a rationally strong position. If we do not come into existence in the first place, we’ll not suffer harm and not inflict harm on others. Moreover, we’ll not suffer the absence of pleasure because we’re not deprived of it. 

Yet, the general populace will undoubtedly cast these rational arguments aside, claiming that bringing new people into the world is good and even moral. But from an antinatalist viewpoint, how could it be, assuming that parents love their children? Isn’t the most ethical thing we can do to our unrealized children never to give birth to them in the first place is that spares them from significant harm? 

Sentient beings, by and large, are biologically driven to procreate. We make babies simply because that’s what we do, often without giving it too much thought. Also, people procreate to give their lives meaning, but don’t mind the painful consequences for the children themselves by coming into existence, let along entertain the possibility that the child may be better off not being born. 

Then, when these children grow up, they also procreate to gain the same benefits as their parents, and so do their children and their children. David Benatar calls this a procreational Ponzi scheme. 

“It’s a Ponzi scheme in that evenually it’s going to go bust. And the final people are going to have to pay a price and will pay a price.” Benatar stated in an interview. 

Our children will suffer. They will grieve, have their hearts broken, be abused in one way or another, suffer physical pain and misfortunes like poverty, addiction, war, illness, loss of loved ones, and, in the end, death. 

And even if life largely spares them from misfortune, they will experience the perpetual dissatisfaction of being alive. On the other hand, as defective as we are as a species, chances are plausible that our children will harm the environment and other sentient beings. Hence, from the antinatalist viewpoint coming to existence is always a serious harm. 

So what should we do? Suppose we agree with Benatar, showing us that we would have been better off if we’d never come into existence. What should we do now that we’re already here? Should we spend our lives sobbing about our unfortunate fate? Should we attempt to destroy conscious life as a way of reducing suffering? Should we, for the same reason, end ourselves? The antinatalist argument that not coming into existence in the first place is best doesn’t imply that we should cause pain or engage in self-destruction if we’re unfortunate enough to be alive. Such suggestions overshoot the goal, driving what we seek to reduce, which is suffering. 

Moreover, there’s a fundamental difference between taking life after it’s created and preventing life from being created. Also, there’s a difference between a life not worth starting and a life not worth continuing. Not being born at all might be best, but second best may be a life worth living. We could even find some meaning, for example, by helping others make life more bearable. After all, no one asked to be here. And so we’re all fellow-sufferers: a realization that could be an immense source of compassion.