Tag: meditation

The Conspiracy Against the Human Race

I know I listed my top five favorite books and two books that changed my life, but there’s another one that deserves recognition: Thomas Ligotti’s The Conspiracy Against the Human Race. I’d been wanting this book for a while after seeing the first season of True Detective and after considering myself an anti-natalist. I was looking for any kind of anti-natalist literature and lo and behold, I found it.

This book is a philosophical gut punch that argues human consciousness is a cosmic mistake. Ligotti draws from horror, neuroscience, and pessimism and makes the case that existence is inherently horrific, the self is an illusion, and the kindest act would be to stop reproducing.

It’s a deep but deeply thought-provoking exploration of pessimism, anti-natalism, and the horror of consciousness. A few take aways from it are as follows:

Consciousness is a curse. Ligotti argues that self-awareness–what sets humans apart from animals–is not a gift but a burden. We’re aware of our mortality, our suffering, and the meaninglessness of existence. “Being alive is like being a sentient tumor.”

Life is inherently horrific. He draws from horror fiction and philosophy and suggests that horror is the most honest genre because it doesn’t shy away from the ugly truth: life is terrifying, random, and cruel.

Anti-Natalism is a logical response. He builds on David Bentar (another man I admire)’s arguments to suggest that the kindest thing we could do is stop reproducing. He believes, much like Benatar and I do, that bringing someone into existence is always a harm. As he says in the book, “Nonexistence never hurt anyone.”

The illusion of self and meaning. Ligotti sides with thinkers who believe the self is an illusion and that the narratives we tell ourselves: religion, humanism, even optimism are coping mechanisms, not truth.

The book offers no comfort. There’s no “and yet” at the end. There’s no redemption arc. Ligotti commits to the darkness. The value is in the clarity it offers–cutting through hope to stare directly at what existence may really be.

It’s a cold shower of a book. It won’t give you hope, but it might give you clarity, or at least solidarity in despair.

Tripping on a Hole in a Paper Heart

I tripped on acid for the very first time in my life over the weekend. I’d always wanted to try psychedelics, but never knew anyone who had any. I wanted to start small with mushrooms or something along those lines, but when someone I knew said, “Hey. I’ve got some acid. Wanna drop some with me?” My immediate response was “Hell yeah!”

We each took the sugar cubes and I knew it’d take a while to kick in so we just kind of sat outside in the dark. I was taking in the surroundings, which I always do when I’m outside anyway. I live in a very secluded area. There are a lot of trees, forests, pastures, etc. The first thing I started to notice were the Christmas lights that were strung all along the neighbor’s fence to her property. They started to move up and down much like you would imagine a rollercoaster in motion. They started to form shapes and patterns the likes of which I’d never seen.

The darkness from before lifted and all I could see was colorful light. Bright lights that illuminated the grass, the trees, the sky. It was the sky splitting open and exposing its true self, very welcoming. I felt a wave of euphoria wash over me as I stared at my surroundings and took everything in. It was like someone had taken a paint brush and painted the world over, the colors spiraling out and back in and then out again.

I felt every bubble of the soda I was drinking going through my entire body, passing along each and every taste bud. I had to let the soda sit in my mouth for a moment because the feeling and taste were unlike anything I’d ever tried before. I stared into nature and allowed myself to experience the waves of energy that have always been there, but I could never perceive before. There is something all around us at all times that it can be difficult to perceive, but on acid, the other realms and dimensions that we exist in become easier to feel. The next day I felt a little drained emotionally, but I also felt cleansed at the same time.

That’s all I can say about my first trip. There was so much more to it, but I don’t know how I’d even begin to put it into words. I should have blogged at the exact moment I was tripping, but I don’t know if it would have made sense then either. If you’re thinking about trying it for the first time, do your research. I researched acid for a long time as I tossed the idea around in my head concerning whether or not I wanted to try it. I’m glad I did, and I’d happily do it again.

LSD score: 10 out of 10. Would try again.