How to Fight Capitalism with Absurdism and Anti-Natalism

Absurdist Economic Takes:
1. Corporate Feudalism Proposal – Argue that since corporations already control everything, we should just go full medieval and assign CEOs official lordship over their workers. “Sir Bezos of Amazonia” could knight his best delivery squires.

Hyper-Libertarian Work Ethics:
Suggest that employees should pay for the privilege of working at a company because exposure to capitalism is a valuable experience.

NFT Labor Contracts:
Advocate for replacing wages with NFTs of one’s own labor. “I don’t get paid, but I have a blockchain receipt proving I worked 40 hours this week.”

Extreme Subscription Model:
Suggest that capitalism should be fully subscription-based. Want to breathe air? That’s a premium feature.

Bring Back Bartering, but Stupid:
Insist on trading Pokemon cards, Beanie Babies, or memes as legitimate currency. “You want my labor? That’ll be three rare Beanie Babies.”

Disrupting Billionaire Worship:

Billionaire Hunger Games:
Suggest that the world’s richest should settle disputes in gladiator-style combat, with the winner getting to keep their fortune.

Forced Billionaire Parenthood:
Since billionaires love growth, they should be required to have at least 50 children each to keep the economy strong. Looking at you, Apartheid Clyde.

The Pharaoh Trump Proposal:
Demand that Trump be buried in a golden pyramid surrounded by all his wealth to ensure he takes it to the afterlife.

Absurdist Takes on Productivity Culture:

24/7 Workday:
If productivity is all that matters, why stop at 40 hours? Demand that we sleep in cubicles, dream about work, and have our unconscious thoughts monetized.

Replace CEOs with AI:
Insist that if workers can be replaced by AI, so can executives. “Let ChatGPT run Tesla. Can’t be worse than Musk.”

Uber for Everything:
Suggest that everything should be gig work, including marriage, parenting, and friendship. “I don’t have a best friend, but I can summon one on an app for $10 an hour.”

Taking the Stock Market to Its Logical Extreme:

Stock Market Battle Royale:
Argue that if capitalism is just a game, we should televise the stock market like a reality show where losing CEOs get voted off the island.

Day-Trading Human Lives:
Suggest that instead of money, people should be publicly traded. “I just invested in Karen’s Etsy shop. Her stock is rising.”

Weaponize Anti-Natalism Against Capitalism:

Kids as Investments:
I propose that children be issues stocks at birth, and parents must trade shares in their offspring.

Life as a Pyramid Scheme:
Argue that having kids is just capitalism’s version of multi-level marketing. “Recruit new workers or capitalism dies.”