I Think I’m Dumb or Maybe Just Happy

I can’t believe I just quoted Nirvana for a post of mine. I hate Nirvana. They have a handful of decent songs, but I hate how they – especially Cobain – are put on a pedestal. They’re not as great of a band as people make them out to be. I thought the quote fit for what I’m about to discuss, though.

I posted about my Bipolar 2 disorder here if you’d care to freshen up. With that being said, I’ve been feeling better mentally. I haven’t had a suicidal thought in two months, maybe. It may be longer, but who’s counting? The point is that I haven’t felt like killing myself in a couple of months and for many years before this, not a day went by where I didn’t think of some way or another about ending my life. I believe this is an improvement.

The problem is that I think the medications I’m taking are making my brain kind of turn to mush. I feel myself becoming confused. I don’t remember what I’m doing a lot of the time. I’m having trouble forming sentences. I find myself trying to find the right words when before I had an extensive vocabulary, albeit sometimes that would get sprinkled with my fair amount of profanities.

I’m happy, but I feel that my brain has been kind of jostled around. I’ve retreated inside myself more and don’t hold conversations with people very well anymore. I’ve always been an introvert, but I find myself unable to communicate with people when I want to these days. I drift off into my own thoughts, focus on things besides the topic at hand. I just get bored and fade mentally speaking. I had a conversation with my mom about it, and she recommended telling my psychiatrist about it. She asked if it concerned me. I thought about it, and it did at first thought. The more I thought about it, the less it bothered me, though.

When I really think about it, dig deep and really think, I’ve decided that I’d rather be dumb and happy than smart and depressed. I’ve been depressed for so long. I think it’s time to give happiness a try even if that means risking some brain cells.

“I’ll take a nice idiot over a smart asshole any day of the week.” -Jim Jeffries

2 thoughts on “I Think I’m Dumb or Maybe Just Happy

  1. Is it possible that you are having a drug interaction with something else? Alcohol or other drugs can really interfere with some meds.

    I’m truly glad you’re feeling happy though. ((hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t really drink these days. I’m not smoking weed nearly as much as I was. For awhile I was smoking every day, but I’ve cut back to once every couple of weeks just to cut back on costs. Hopefully the books I’ve been immersing myself in help me out somehow. Maybe I just suck at speaking these days.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s