I had another appointment with my psychiatrist today to discuss how my meds are working out for me and how I’ve been doing overall. We talked about not just my mental health, but mental health in general. I used to do a blog every year where I’d pick and choose certain words and phrases that people use that irritate the piss out of me. A few of the recurring ones were: “random,” “literally,” “everything happens for a reason,” and “it is what it is.” If we one day saw the eradication of those words I’d be ebullient.
She and I agreed that one of the worst words in the English language is the word “fine.” It’s just so blasé and unenthusiastic. No one trusts you when you say that you’re fine, but we accept it anyway because we don’t really want to know how the other person is doing. I was reading an article some time ago that was written by a German who lived in America for a year. He was surprised when someone asked how he was doing and he proceeded to tell them about his day, but they wandered off to work on his order in the middle of him giving them the run down of how things were going. This isn’t what we do in America. We don’t care. The common exchange goes as follows:
“How are you doing today?”
“I’m fine, and you?”
“I’m doing alright.”
You can add your own little flavor to it if you’d like, but the trick is to never get too personal. You never tell a person that your dog just died or your mother’s cancer has resurfaced and you don’t know how to deal with it. We deal with other people on such an impersonal level. I think that’s the American way: get in, get out, leave me alone because I’ve got my own problems. I can’t speak for other countries and cultures because I’ve never been outside of the United States, but here in this country we care nothing about the goings on of other people’s lives. I’d be lying if I said I’m not guilty of it. I, too, expect just a quick exchange of words when I’m at the store and kind of tune people out when they start rambling about their day or what’s bothering them while I’m in the check-out line.
Maybe it’s just due to living in a society that’s so rushed and so focused on getting done what we need to get done that we don’t focus on those around us. As Americans we know not to open up to total strangers because total strangers don’t give two shits about us or our lives, but is that how we should be toward other people? The more I’ve grown, the more I don’t think so. I like to try to help people in any way that I can now because I know what it’s like to have a shit day, to have a shit week, to have shit going on in my head that I can’t seem to control.
Would it take a lot of time out of our day to pull someone aside that we overhear say they’ve had a horrible week and ask them if they’d like to talk about it for maybe five minutes? Is where you’re going or what you’re doing really that important? Do you really need to get to work thirty minutes early that you can’t take five minutes to maybe let someone unload for just a moment? In a country that’s so concerned about mental illness we don’t seem to care when it boils down to it. Actually listening to another human being could mean the difference between that person going home that night and resting peacefully and going home that night to stock up on ammunition for the next day when they go to the store to let the world know how they’re really feeling. “I’m fine” isn’t always just fine.
I am aware now how everything’s gonna be fine one day too late.
Should I Kill Myself or Have a Cup of Coffee? 
Fine, here it’s good, but Our gen usually don’t ask it’s more – hey – or just your name as a greeting.
I tend to think it’s a stoic thing – in that people don’t want to say how they really feel and they know the person they met isn’t actually asking – because it’s probably the same level of – yeah I’m alive but this feeling won’t go away, the same one that’s making you numb.
When I finally lost it I told the councillor that I felt nothing any more, no anger, no rage, no lust, no happiness and that I just wanted passion back and the most terrible thing a human ever said to me was that was something people lose, it’s like a child thing and I should try to forget about it.
So I think now that I can see that kind of numb in a lot of people, you’ll know the thing, we all know it, it’s just that it seems to be everywhere now. But here’s the thing it’s relative, I’m pretty sure rabbits live their entire lives shit scared of foxes, snakes, eagles, the sun, the dark, noises, not noises hunters and everything else. People would look at bunnies and think that’s idelic, but the reality is that our lives are a bunnies dream. We have little actual struggle (normal people) we do our daily thing without having to hide from bears and lions. We’re all built for anxiety and I think without a real source some of the fire goes out of life. So we live – vicariously… while the whole world dies type of thing.
I think that stuff builds without release, it’s why we do dangerous stuff, I used to drive fast late at night, then there’s the drugs for more rush and most things that I’ve ever been told were risky – they seem like fun. Then another is letting it out, and that’s hard because you don’t want to be a whinny bitch or a burden, plus most of us know others are going through it themselves.
Guys are actually worse at letting things out, but women are not awesome either.
I think if you get through that type of crisis you come out the other end realising it’s not actually you, like your title says, this world is mad, how can we not be? I think when they point to you and think or say – weird – you’ve made it.
Write a book, I’ll buy it, you’ve got a particularly precise way of nailing topics. x
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“I just wanted passion back.”
That’s how I felt for a long time. It’s why I stopped blogging … that and the depression, but are people passionate when depression hits anyway? I didn’t feel like doing shit anymore, not even getting under the skin of the Trump Tain lickers. That’s when I knew I was missing something. I’m glad I was able to overcome it and come back to blogging, though. I means I get to spend more time on here with you and Greunie. 🙂
“So we live – vicariously… while the whole world dies type of thing.”
So since you quoted them I have to ask, what do you think of the new album or have you listened to it yet? I dig it. I wish I had the money to buy the actual limited edition CD, but that shit is $170 on Amazon now. I’m not even going to bother with trying to find it at Barnes and Noble in the city because I imagine they only had eight copies that sold out the first day anyway.
“…you’ve got a particularly precise way of nailing topics.”
Why thank you, love. 🙂 You are too kind.
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I never had the thing return like when I was younger and maybe less aware of the larger world. Though now I have things I enjoy – is it passion though? Maybe as time goes on it will become that. I find now that I look at things very differently than when I was sick – mentally. I still find it hard to not laugh when people confuse ‘sad’ with depressed but that’s a whole other blog which I think we’ve both written about once or twice.
It used to be fun poking the animals but I did learn one thing from it and it was that people don’t change – um someone I know told me that hmm – who was that? Any way those people are fun to annoy but over time they just waste your life, no different to tv.
I have listened to fear inoculum – over and over, I love it. Though I haven’t bought the CD yet, hey since I haven’t ever given you a birthday present email me your addy and I’ll send you one ok?
It’s lovely to see you back an Euni, I have to go see her blog, I’ve been remiss there, the two of you are 99.8% of the best part of thoughts. x
PS sorry for not being about lately I’ve gone back to Western Australia and I’m actually thinking of moving here, very few people and massive heat what more could you need?
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Very few people, I like. As far as massive heat? No, thank you. I’m looking forward to winter. I’m looking forward to it even more now since my little run in with the fucking cyclists and my dogs. They can go right back into their homes and stay there until next spring. I understand people wanting to get their exercise, but if you know a particular dog on a particular street is going to chase you then don’t go down that particular street. I swear if I get a chance to ride that bomb straight to hell like Slim Pickens, I’m taking the opportunity. I just need to find the right cowboy hat.
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Aww come on heat is fantastic! It might be because where I grew up from about April to November is really miserably wet and cold, and I hate layers of clothes.
Ha, people learn? Good luck with that, you can teach dogs tricks because they are intelligent and the nicest people on Earth – people not so much. Don’t you find bike riders are the most belligerent people on the road? They behave like non-smokers who used to smoke and do that annoying little cough thing at you. As if to say you’re killing me – but obviously not fast enough…
How about an akubra? It’s our version of the cowboy thing, the only people who wear them are tourists but I guess it’s something like them expecting us to all behave like Paul Hogan.
There are two nukes in that bomb bay – I’ll race you to fission!
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