You know that you tried to hide it Shouldn’t you have said what you meant? Oh…

I found out a dear friend of mine – one of my best friends since high school – tried to kill himself not too long ago. It was because of his wife. He discovered she was cheating on him. They hadn’t even been married a year (eight months.) Her reasoning? She told him that his depression and anxiety caused her to cheat. He gave me the whole story. I don’t know his wife. I’ve never met her in my life. I didn’t go to the wedding or anything for reasons I won’t get into. Eric (not his real name) has always been honest with me as far as I know. I know Eric has his issues. I have mine as well. I know Eric has always struggled with depression and anxiety just as I have. I’ve got something he has never really had though: a support system. I wish he had one so that he didn’t think he had to end his own life.

I’m thankful that he failed at killing himself, but I also feel like shit because I’m not exactly sure how to help, either. We’ve always both just joked about our mental illness. I remember one of the best jokes I ever heard — this is just his and my fucked up sense of humor — being when I hadn’t seen Eric in a while, me asking him how he’d been doing, and I asked what he’d been up to. He replied, “I go to work every day, come home and make myself some dinner; sometimes I’ll play a video game for a few hours; and occasionally I’ll stare at the noose I have hanging in my closet and say to myself, “Maybe tomorrow.” I laughed to the point where I could barely breathe.

This recent turn of events in Eric’s life got me thinking about honesty as well. People always claim they want honesty in their relationship, but do they really? Does a woman or man who has put on a few pounds really want their significant other to tell them? If someone in a relationship isn’t looking their best one day then do they want their significant other to tell them they look like shit (in a nicer way than that, of course)? If your spouse is cheating, do you really want to know?

I came to the conclusion a long time ago that people extol honesty until you’re honest with them. You can tell them all day long how you were honest with someone and they will tell you how you did the right thing, but as soon as they ask a question about themselves and demand an honest answer and you give it to them then you can consider that particular relationship or friendship finished. A husband or wife doesn’t want to know that their partner is being unfaithful. If they ask and their partner says, “No. I’m not cheating on you,” it’s better for both parties because no one gets hurt. However, if you’re caught then you might as well fess up because you know there’s no getting out of it.

I’ve never agreed with someone in a relationship cheating on their partner and just coming outright and telling their partner when their partner didn’t ask. I don’t agree with cheating, either; I want to make that perfectly clear. If your partner doesn’t ask then keep your mouth shut. If your partner asks then should you lie? I guess it depends on whether or not you’re a good liar.

Dr. Brad Blanton’s “radical honesty” isn’t going to win you any friends. Being honest with friends is going to make you lose them one day. My advice? Just stick to lying in order to save face. Read up on it if you have to in order to learn how to do it better.

Or you can just not be a piece of shit who feels the need to do shitty things to people.

6 thoughts on “You know that you tried to hide it Shouldn’t you have said what you meant? Oh…

  1. I once made a joke to a boyfriend who asked me if I had cheated that he could relax – I was screwing everyone but I was honest about it. He didn’t laugh and things just got worse from there on in. It might sound like a lie – which it is – but I don’t like cheating or cheaters even though almost everyone who goes to a pro is cheating, she is too if she’s dating. Which showed me how morality like gravity is relative, the trick is not thinking about it too much and especially not from the point of view of the victim, it’s a horrible thing to do to a person to lie like that – on both a physical and emotional way.

    Life is better being single because frankly there is no mr or ms right – other than right now. Like a misused word love can mean ‘I want that thing in the store’ to something that feels like it comes from the very atoms of your being, though most of the time it means want in exactly the same way that sad isn’t depressed.

    I re-read the Hitch hiker’s guide out here last time I came to the array and I remember reading the first part where Ford Prefect wonders if humans babel about nothing so much and state the obvious all day long so that they don’t actually have to think. Which is why I guess that we write, so that we have a forum for things we think people are not willing to listen to, unable to comprehend or just plain don’t have the hardware to get.

    It’s why I read as well, and listen to music, sometimes a line will pop out and it will just fit, I wish everything that came out of my mouth was like that, and that people would not eventually go back to playing with their phone.

    I’m sorry about Eric, she didn’t love him and there is nothing worse to realise. The best thing to do I think is just turn up, let him talk if he wants to, even if you end up talking about nothing it’ll ease the emptiness.


  2. I talked to him for a bit last night about everything that was going on. He’s not doing well, but he’ll get through it. He said he’s not so much sad about the situation now as he is bitter. I don’t blame him. I’d be bitter as well. It’s a fucked up thing that happened, especially with her saying it’s because of his depression and anxiety that she cheated. Why not try to help him instead of going and putting some other guy’s dick inside of you? How is that going to help him get any better?

    He actually tried paying for sex, but got ripped off. It was some app like Tinder and the person said if he’d pay for her gas then she’d be right over. He sent her money through PayPal. I told him if he would have talked to me about what he was planning to do then I would have told him it was a bad idea and she wasn’t going to show up.

    I think the best thing to do is stick to porn. There’s no disappointment, not heartbreak. There might be a little bit of shame and guilt afterward, but you can get over that (by watching more porn!) Porn just seems like the easiest option these days. No one gets hurt unless it’s affecting your relationship. If you’re single then yeah … just stick to watching other people fuck, toss your load, and go about your day.


    1. Women are messed up, I’ve dated a few and I think I’ll sick to maths, maths is great – right or wrong – next…

      Mind you men are a bit like that sometimes they don’t tell you what’s going on in their head or hide it until it blows a hole in them – and probably you. I always had this naive idea men and women were the same but it’s not at all true. It has a lot to do how you grow up and how you are raised but not necessarily good/bad parenting more the culture we grow up in. A really nasty thing about men is something hotter will always distract them and with women something more impressive will cause her to jump ship. Both are terrible behaviours best avoid them both I think.

      Porn is good, but you know what I think I like old porn, the 4/5k new stuff is often really aggressive and hard to fap to without thinking – you seriously need to bite that off if he tries to choke you again!

      Keep up talking to him it’ll work out in the end we all feel better after a chat.


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