I’ve said numerous profound and hilarious things in my time on this earthly vessel, but I don’t think any of them have been truer than the time I hit “enter” on the keyboard after typing, “The one thing the Internet has done is it has made normal, ordinary people believe that anyone gives a solitary fuck what they think.” Vulgar? Sure. You can’t tell me that’s not some deep shit right there, though.

It came to me while I was blogging on another site where members did not welcome opposing views. Step in line with what they believed or feel the wrath of their ever-growing block list. Ah, yes. The silent treatment via Internet. It works well in reality so why not bring it into the virtual world?

No one debates unless it’s in a setting for a debate such as a classroom or an auditorium. I think the idea of a debate went out the window (along with dignity, what shred of intellect we had left as a species, and decency) with the 2016 presidential debates. The 2016 debates were nothing more than Internet arguments brought to our televisions live and in HD. They came fully equipped with some ass clown not knowing anything, name calling, and everything else you’ve come to know and love in debates from blog sites, message boards, and Facebook groups.

This idea that we can change someone’s belief or conviction about a topic by basically being a bigger cunt than they are is funny to me because it has never worked, and yet we keep trying. Maybe we’re not trying to change someone’s belief. Maybe we’re just trying to shout our own at the person as loud as we possibly can. It’s funny that those with the most information are the guiltiest of all when it comes to this, though.

I know my opinion on matters will never make a difference, but I have Internet access and an opinion therefore that makes me important as well. That’s why I’m dedicating most of this blog to the philosophy of antinatalism because we don’t need to have any more of you. Ideally, we need to get rid of a lot of you that we already do have in the first place.

I’m not sure if the two are related, but as I mentioned at the end of my last post I was recently diagnosed as having Bipolar 2. It was a surprise and it wasn’t if that makes sense. I’ve known something was off in my head since my teens. I knew my moods weren’t just normal teenage angst and that knowledge was confirmed as I got older. The anger and hatred from my teens just dwindled down into depression more than anything. Not wanting to wake up and face the day and just not wanting to wake up at all became the norm for me.

My father was bipolar and he self-medicated with alcohol. He was a full-blown alcoholic up until his death at the age of 39. May 23, 2019 marked 15 years since his suicide. My mom and I have always known my sister was bipolar because of the rash decisions she tends to make without thinking things through as well as her temper. With me it’s been different. I don’t have mania. I told my psychiatrist it’s like there’s a straight line on which I’m trying to keep my balance and at any moment I can slip and fall into a depression that lasts for weeks or months. That was the remark that made us re-think my diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder. We both discovered that instead I suffer from Bipolar 2 Disorder, which is different from Bipolar 1, the one people tend to associate with more when they think “bipolar.”

According to “Medical News Today” Bipolar 2 is described as such:

“People with bipolar II disorder do not experience true manic episodes, where their mood and energy levels are so high that it causes trouble with work and socializing and may cause psychosis. Some individuals with bipolar I disorder have to be hospitalized during periods of mania.

“However, this does not make bipolar II disorder less severe than bipolar I disorder. In bipolar II disorder, the depressive episodes are similar to those in bipolar I disorder and cause significant disruption to the person’s daily life for an extended time.”

My symptoms fit as well. I feel agitated and get agitated easily. I often have an inability or decreased need to sleep, which is followed by sleeping the day away (12+ hours of non-stop sleeping.) I notice that I talk too much during my episodes of hypomania. I used to drink a shit ton, which I’ve stopped doing just as a personal choice. My marijuana usage has decreased as well since I’ve been prescribed different medication to help with my mood.

Of course we all know the depressive symptoms: feelings of sadness, emptiness, and hopelessness; loss of interest in activities (I enjoy going for walks at least twice a day, which I’d not been doing for quite some time); decreased energy; weight loss or weight gain (I’ve always struggled with my weight. I tend to eat my feelings); and suicidal thoughts or tendencies. For some time all I was thinking about was, “What if I just ended it all? It’d be simple and easy to do. I have a gun. Just one pull of the trigger and it all goes away.”

I introduced Zeal and Ardor in my last post as a way of leading into this. I’m the King of the Segue.

First of all, I don’t appreciate you posting a first blog on my site. To me that just says you’re assuming your first blog on my site is going to be better than my first blog on my site. You may very well be correct in that assumption; however, it was still very rude and pretentious of you. I can tolerate rude, but pretentiousness is something you and I may have to draw blood over down the line somewhere. Your move, dick holes.

I’ve blogged off and on since 2001. I went back several months ago to log into that very first site where I ever blogged, and I’m surprised I turned out to be the fine, upstanding, well adjusted, American citizen today. That was riddled with sarcasm and a touch of truth if you can figure that one out. I’m too stoned to tell at the moment.

That is one thing about me: I support the legalization of marijuana. I support the legalization of all drugs. Whatever you want to put into your own body is no business of anyone else. Don’t think that I’m just going to do stoned ramblings on this site, either. I have logical, sane, sober thoughts as well that I need to put down before I decide today’s not the day for another cup of coffee. It’s worth mentioning that I used to be a heavy drinker and would find myself blogging away while drinking from a bottle of bourbon only to not remember writing it the next day, but still leaving it posted because fuck it was great.

I’d write more for my first blog, but I’m really into this thing I’ve got streaming right now on *insert streaming service here* (I don’t advertise for anyone. Fuck you if you don’t like it.)

This is your first warning, WordPress.